“Destroying property, choking others, death threats … This behavior is too much for parents to handle. Dr. Phil, along with Dr. Alan Kazdin, professor of psychology and child psychiatry at Yale University and author of The Kazdin Method for Parenting the Defiant Child, has advice for managing aggressive behavior.” Check out the show.

I have a few words to say about this show. I felt so bad for the families in the show. There are ways to help parents to create warm and loving relationships with their children and there is no one size fits all. The demonstration of the comparison of one family sticking to the Kazdin Method while the other family could not showed only that Dr. Phil is unable to suggest strategies while taking into consideration individual and family circumstances. A parent needs to be in a good sense of mind to parent effectively and in an even more stable sense of mind when parenting children with difficult behaviors.

They need to focus their energy in the places where it will build self-worth and intentionally use appropriate words to foster self-confidence all while sustaining respect for the adults and the child. Clearly, the mom of the 8 year old with challenging behaviors was not in a good sense of mind. Her son has clearly hurt her physically, and severely emotionally wore her down. Giving energy during the show to make her feel lower than the low that she was in cultivated resistance and a sense of failure.

Using the Nurtured Heart Approach would give energy to the values and beliefs that were in the parents and how they were there to find information to help their family. The mother’s sense of confidence was depleted. The mother and the father sat depressed and in despair. Using the Nurtured Heart Approach, one would tell the mom what she is doing right, not what she is doing wrong. The service of Dr. Kazdin was offered yet not wasn’t accessible as the mother worked during the hours that were available for the skype conference calls from Dr. Kazdin’s office.

Understanding and working with the family circumstances is of utmost importance.  The mother of the child with challenging behaviors was in tears. She was still being berated and it was no longer about the child but about the mother of the child and how she was a bad parent and a bad person for not following through with the suggestions. He called her the “ya but” to make a point that she was making excuses of why she couldn’t follow through. Her husband was silent.

To implement the Nurtured Heart Approach to the situation would be to energize the parents for the good that they are doing for their child, give good words to promote self-worth in the parents which has obviously been taken away during the past violent episodes, and to then give the parents a break to reset and start new and leave all past violent episodes of the child’s challenging behaviors behind them.

Pouncing on the mother and father through the mother is not the appropriate way to handle the much needed advice.

This is a difficult and dynamic situation. The parents were on the show to get help! The parents participated in the show. Twice! The parents were open to look for strategies. The parents want to help their child who has difficult behaviors. The parents are together, side by side, willingly accepting help. If the Kazdin Method is not the answer for this family, then try the Nurtured Heart Approach.   This is Deb’s thought of the day, April 21, 2011.

Life is filled with dynamic interactions. The web of events to build relations with the child who you are raising, nurturing, and teaching are spawned by the moments of the day. Comics are a way to be specific and concise to provide strategies to nurture hearts to promote healthy living. Healthy living is promoting morals and values to enable one to be successful. Ways to provide strategies ..

Synchronizing words to illustrate a moment in time to elaborate on how great a student or friend or someone who you have not yet met can be fun and playful! Take a look at the Illustrate page to refresh your vocabulary.

Words of affirmation transform from doubt and insecurity to belief, enthusiasm, and empowerment. Check out the affirmation page to understand the words that can be chosen when transforming your energy from negative to positive.

Welcome to transformation for healthy living.

Where the choice of words is the most fabulous activity of the day!

Where the choice of words in your thoughts will brighten your moments!

Where the choice of words in your conversations will enlighten the moments of others!

Where the choice of words you write will make you and others feel wonderful about themselves!

Motivating! contagious! fun! and healthy for you, for me, and for everyone you meet!